Sunday, October 17, 2004

Zzz. Nerve wrecking sleepy. Only got one and a half hour of sleep coz last night went to help my dad with his work at 1am, it dragged till 6. When I finally got down to quality sleep, I just remembered my dad calling me up at eight in the morning already. Zzz. Before that, I had breaking session at esplanade. Yesterday session was fun. Got my windmills already. Really hope that I will not lose it. And I guess the only way not to lose it is to practice more, heh, what else. Really feels out of the world to roll around on the upper body without the legs touching the floor. Hope to get my mills like the Taiwan battle guy, if not like the small kid in team ohh. Den after that went to eat long john with jem. Quite nice just talking to jem la, but why u always blow hot and cold? Haha. Super mood swings at times. Den went back to break at esply. Muscles quite sore already so decided to practice things that I almost never practice, air freezes and bananas, argh. I swear I absolutely hate them. Anyway, the fun part was having a photo session with Gerald and acting stupid, actually more like he's acting stupid and I’m the camera man la, heh, but it was fun.

Sunday came and went in a buzz. Anyway. I washed my bike and it had to rain. Luckily the rain came after my driving lessons, so I was made to wait in the driving centre while waiting for the rain to stop and kazumi was caught in the rain, sob. While waiting, I went to get a hot drink at the vending machine. There was this guy looking at me and he was sitting at the stairs beside the machine. Anyway, he was quite quiet, den I wanted to press my drink and he started talking. So I turned and said huh? Yes, he was still looking at me and he was talking on a hands free. So I said oh and turned away, but what the fuck, heh. Wasn’t embarrassed actually, more like pissed, but I don know why. Den later went to azrul’s singing comp at UE square. It was quite a nice place and I thought he sang quite well. So that was all that matters. I’m proud of u. the ride home was quite nice too, knowing that I haven taken a train for almost 5 mths. Heh, but I still hate trains anyway.

Arghh~ Monday’s here again. I absolutely hate coming to work. Can’t wait for the day to end and I’ll be breaking. Eme asked what’s your purpose in living in life? To me, purpose means more like a goal, a destination that u want to work or live towards. But I have realized that the purpose is always secondary. The journey working towards that purpose is primary. My purpose in breaking is to win the first major comp that I want to join. I have yet to join that comp, but on working towards that purpose, the joy and laughter, tears and pain that I’ve gone through, the exhilaration that I get when I get a move, the friendships that I have built and bonded have more than enough taken over the aim of achieving that purpose.

Why do you pray?

Do you pray to be a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, whatever OR you pray to allow yourself to heal mentally, to feel peace within and have faith? Work it out and yes, the journey is more important. So I guess at times when u are feeling down because you have yet to achieve the purpose that you have set, think about the journey you have gone through achieving thy purpose. Does the things that you have done put a smile on your face? If none of that makes you smile, I conclude you don’t like the journey, change your focus to other purposes then. I believe that we always have more than one purpose in life. So I change the question to ‘what is a purpose in life that has made you a better person?’ I never call a fulfilled purpose a purpose, I call it an achievement. So think of an unachieved purpose and work towards it.

Remember, it’s never about seeking new purposes for you. It’s about seeking you through purposes.

And so I heard from az's blog, the person that says that winning or losing doesn’t matter is probably the loser. I say the person who says that winning or losing doesn’t matter is the person who is afraid of letting yourself down. Yes, I have yet to join that comp to let the world judge me in breakdancing. But I know I have not let myself down in the pursuit. Here I stand before judgement, I am a winner in my own eyes. And az, you are definitely a winner too.

But at the end of the day, I may just be talking crap. Take it with a pinch of salt and dont sue me, LOL~

gilbert at 7:41 PM [comment]

{I hear voices, voices only half as humane as mine..}